nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
