it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
