Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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