it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
