OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
