I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
