We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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