Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
