im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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