well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
