Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
