but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
