when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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