You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
