I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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