Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
