Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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