Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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