We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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