How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
