I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
