He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
