On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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