"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
