My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
