Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize