Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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