Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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