It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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