Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
a search helicopter?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
