we're chasing vodka with high fives
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
