Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
