remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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