hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
