Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
