just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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