Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
