I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
