does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
