The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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