Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
