Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
