On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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