it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
