yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
