If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
