Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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