Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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