I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was born a porn star she said
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
