turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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