We're facebook friends in real life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
