You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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