How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
