Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
