I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
