After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
