Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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