God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize