I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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