why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
