No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
