I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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