At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
