I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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