Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do herpes really smell.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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