ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
