Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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