I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
