I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
