someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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