I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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