wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
