Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
