last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
