My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
