perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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