two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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