i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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