Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
