I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
