I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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