I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
