happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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